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[20 Oct 2006|10:15pm]
hey guys, I don't know how many of you will still be reading this, it's been about a year..and I've been keeping another journal for that whole time to avoid drama. I really do miss gettng comments though so if you would like to add the other journal I'd love it.


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[14 Feb 2006|10:52pm]
I worked 9-9 today, I was kind of happy because I didnt have a Valentine, I came home and just wanted to go to sleep.
I received a message on my phone, I got excited because I thought it would be a boy, but it was my mom...which was also important.
I have gifts from om and mammie and pop pop.
I had a slice of pizza, Raleigh licked me...I wanted to cry.
Then Tracie pulled out a big bag with 3 cards in it, a stuffed bear, a stuffed bee, a huge huge valentines mug, goldie lip gloss,ameretto lip gloss.
I hugged my dad, and actually hugged my step mom.
staying away from the computer has been good for me.
I get kind of weird because my dads side of th family isnt emotional. Most of the time I dont like my step mom, or maybe alot of the time i feel obligated.
I remember when she put color on my hair a few weeks ago and then massaged my head..I felt like I was supposed to hate it, and weird as it sounds that nice feeling stuck with me. So I hugged her today and she rubbed my back, I guess I dont know what its like to be liked like that, and maybe she isnt out to destroy my life. This Valentines has been nice, I alread received some candy and marshmellow hearts from mammie and pop pop, but they have other stuff. It feels pretty nice. Plus dads card made me cry, because iam such a cryer.
I just want to type what it says to remember it....

On special days like Vantine's Day and on ordinary days too
please know
that I see you..

I see the path
you've made
thats all your own.
I see the many
unique talents and gifts
you have to share.
I see your brilliance,
your enthusiasm, and how deeply
you care
and, sometimes I hurt.
I seee
your hard-earned wisdom,
your soft
pure innocence,
your courage
and compassion.
your unconditional goodness.
I see what a difference
you make in this world...
and I hope
you know
how very much
I love you,
and howproud
I'll always be
to have a daughter
as wonderful as you.

love, Dad and Tracie.
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[12 Feb 2006|01:20am]
today, my 12 yeard old step brother told me he would like to have sex with a snake.
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[06 Feb 2006|10:42pm]
it's been pretty amazing, I've been building clientele pretty fast all of a sudden, and I have gotten so many compliments.
Today i did a highlight and sold her all the color protecting stuff to go with it, and then she tipped me 30.00, which is unusual in this cheap ass place.
Then according to another lady, iam like a hair miracle. she actually said this.
funny how you can be amazing to one person and a piece of shit to others, people are really a pain in the ass a lot of times. I love the compliments, but I still have so much more to learn.
so, someone called me six times yesterday, thats pretty funny I think. Damn, annoying though.

other than that Iam a little bummed and pretty concerned that my paycheck is going to suck because i now have 4 days off this week. I dont know how iam going to make commision having all of those days off, I guess we will have to find out.
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[05 Feb 2006|10:47pm]
so in the beginning I was torn between the Steelers and the Seahawks, I wanted Steelers because they are from PA, but then the Seahawks because they are underdogs. I then rooted for the Seahawks because they were totally getting ass rammed by the refs.
Seahwaks looked like a way better team out there, and Steelers basicaly got it handed to them until the end when Seahawks really messd up. Steelers didnt deserve their first touchdown that they received, and the seahawks deserved the one that was taken away from them.
I think I'll stop watching the superbowl. That ref was only 23% of changing his mind, even when its obvious, you think for the big game they would pick a more fair ref.
It could have been worse though, the Patriots could have gone, thank god that didnt happen.
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[05 Feb 2006|02:11am]

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Paulette!

  1. Oranges, lemons, watermelons, pineapples and Paulette are all berries.
  2. Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are Paulette!
  3. Paulette can give birth ten days after being born, and is born pregnant.
  4. A bride should wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and Paulette.
  5. Europe is the only continent that lacks Paulette.
  6. If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have Paulette for the rest of the day.
  7. Humans share over 98 percent of their DNA with Paulette!
  8. The state nickname of Iowa is 'The Paulette state'.
  9. Grapes explode if you put them inside Paulette!
  10. Paulette is 984 feet tall.
I am interested in - do tell me about
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[05 Feb 2006|02:07am]
I just cried during "sisterhood of the traveling pants", BONER.
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[03 Feb 2006|09:15pm]
found out that iam much happier when I get out, not the night life, just everyday errands, and I dont think much about anything else, but the task at hand.I also can not wait until it warms up so I can have late night walks, talks, and camping trips with my friends. The winter used to be fun staying in people houses and playing video games, but that hasnt happened yet this year, so spring better get here.

Tracie and I went to the IRS building today in Wilkes-Barre. I never want to go there again. The people that come in that joint eye you up and look at you like they are going to gash your throat. I said id stay in the waiting room with the rent a cop guy and others waiting, then in strolls a balding dude in a MCDonalds dirt winter jacket, with balding hair but braids in it, with colored rubber bands. I then said " iam going with you".

So I know this sounds lame, but a song thats totally sad is the Sinead O connor " nothing compares to you" song. I can picture myself in a hat and midlength jacket kicking rocks down a sidewalk ...that would be my music video, and maybe me sipping some coffee and eating garbage toast in a little cafe.

I hate downtown wilkes-barre and yet i love it...its pretty filthy and scarey, yet it interests me. The square looks so run down, I cant beleive how much more fearless i was when i was 15, running around that thing at night after seeing shows. Maybe ive gotten paranoid.
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[03 Feb 2006|01:40am]
almost every single person in my life is fucking like animals.
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[28 Jan 2006|10:33pm]
not too much to say, I dont even know if anyone reads anymore, I havent gotten comments in a lifetime, then again I never say anything important.
I plan on opening a beauty shop with some people by spring.
I miss that jerk real bad.
kitka pissed on my bed last night, so i spent half the night waiting for my comforter to wash and dry.
I still asked Kitka and Raleigh to be my valentine.
they said yes.
I think id rather have no one than someone I cant stand.
I wonder what its like waking up in the morning to a large human being that isnt even remotely attractive. I wouldnt know but I have someone in mind that would know the answer to that.

I've been going tanning so iam pretty bronze.
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[24 Jan 2006|11:56pm]
ok whatever, I give up on all the positivity shit, Iam a whiner baby so that's fine...so Iam gonna complain.
really though, it isnt that bad.
I was ready to walk out of work today. They said that we cant sit now.
I worked 10-9 without sitting except for my half hour lunch. My feet stung.
for the money i get paid, the nitpicking isnt worth it. I cant hide my emotions well so I looked pissed off today.
Iam one cocky son of a bitch at work when I dont like something, if I was the boss of myself id punch myself in the face, all i do is make jokes and turn into little miss I dont give a shit.
so i did a lot of laughing
but the good news is me and lore might open a shop in spring, we are looking at buildings.
so 23 and a business owner..boss!
tomorrow is Betsy's funeral. I am still shocked. I keep picturing her being alive, remembering all the times we laughed and stuff.

aside from that i still thought about Phil today..how you think you dont care anymore and something stupid takes you into a frenzy. how you can like someone so much you never really dated or shared anything too special with is beyond me. All I know is sometimes I think he is too cute for words, and iam over being mad...but i never want to talk to him because hes never going to change, then all of a sudden I feel like its ok to deeply love him regardless of his actions..and then i lovingly hate his guts and iam back to being fine.
Iam such a loser.
but iam going to have so much other shit to look forward to that I cant frown too much.
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[23 Jan 2006|07:32pm]
today was a really shitty day, I did say I was going to be less negative but today will be an exception.
I woke up thinking of Phil because it is his birthday, and right away I knew that after work I would need to pick up some chick flicks, romantic comedys to cuddle in bed with.
so this is where it starts.....
first off this chunky little redneck came in to get his haircut, with a sense of humor that was lame. Then he asked for my cell phone number so he could take me out for a beer, so I gave it to him since he comes in there often and I cant blow him off that way.
I really dont want him to call...
then Amy calls me and tells me the terrible news of Betsy, a girl who I went to beauty school with and that she died yesterday in a car accident, this puts me in such a state of shock and shakes me so hard I cant concentrate on anything. I cant help but think about things she didnt get to experience.
Then I decide that maybe I'd leave phil a comment saying happy birthday, then I saw his new pictures, and they sent a deep pang to my insides. I guess it was a jealous feeling that made my insides twirl and depressed me so much I wanted to puke, I think when you really like someone you think that they are suffering without you and that they miss you, but it always isnt the case, then I felt a little better thinking, I stopped talking to this person because they fucked with my feelings, and I didnt find him a good enough person to spend my time on, finally he hurt me more than I liked him. So I shouldnt feel anything anymore. I guess I make it better by writing about it.
Now I dont think I can watch my movies because my mind is racing over these things that really cut into me.
I think January 23 will teach me a valuable lesson, to love every minute I spend with the the people I care about, and care about me. I will hold on to them even tighter after this.
and on top of that, Little Mason give me a wet little kid kiss on my cheek and a tight hug before bed.
The love I have from valuable people will keep the jealousy and sadness i have for others invaluable.
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[18 Jan 2006|08:20pm]
New items

click picture for link!
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[09 Jan 2006|12:44am]
Kitka seriously cuddled in bed with me for about 2 hours! how amazing!
she also sratched my nose by getting excited and jumping on myface to curl up, and it made me bleed.
work was busy because Amy quit so I was there by myself. It made me really tired, but i made some good money. I spent some money on my stepbrothers, and I bought Brandon a light up King Kong yo yo.

also this girl I work with Steph, was dating this annoying ugly kid that went psycho on her, after a few months he called her and the conversation went this quickly
guy: " i want youback"
steph " iam back with my ex"
guy " ok what about that dark haired girl Paulette you work with?"
that made us both laugh really hard, and I hope he never is out there waiting for me in the parking lot.

oh shit, when we went to pick up the boys from their fathers house, Tyler pulled a jar from his inner jacket pocket, and it was filled with vinegar and pig eyeballs, it was disgusting, apparently his dad butchered a pig this weekend. Thank god, my dad made him throw them away.

We visted my gram in the hospital and my pappie was there, we all had pizza and it was fun.
I have to wake up early again for work tomorrow, I feel worn out.
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[08 Jan 2006|12:15am]
un-fuckin-believable, a woman comes into work today for color and cut, so its down to her shoulders, and she tells me to cut the top so its only and inch long and alittle longer on the sides so she can push it back...so iam like..hmmmm..mullet. so i say " what about the back" and she says " whatever, i dont have to see the back so just leave it" so it was a spikey mullet. I did it beautifully, holy shit i didnt think i could do a mullet, then she tipped me 20.00, what a fun deal.
Then a client told me how porn stars bleach their assholes, crazy right ?

8-8 wasnt so bad, but Amy quit today and I have to work all by myself, and I have a foil highlight so hopefully it doesnt go to busy.

thats all.
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[06 Jan 2006|11:48pm]
I have been to busy to write, well too occupied with my own thoughts that scare the shit out of me to write.
Just dealing with the karate I used to do, thinking I should get back into it, but having this shy attitude and worrying too much.
I am having a battle with myself and I dont really want to talk about it because no one would understand it except a washed up child star, I feel that I should do something about it...i cant live in the past when I was 8-13 i need to do something about it or forget it.
I have been working out though...2 hours a day. I'd like to talk more but Iam too secretive about it.
my mom let me practice in the old karate school which is a surprise, you never know what her mood is going to be like, and I dont leave anything there because she could change her mind about it tomorrow.
so far so good though.
I wish I could forget the past, I wish I didnt feel like a loser...some people would be happy with the accomplishments I have had, but it never seems like enough for me. Most of all I wish I could sleep at night.

besides that tomorrow is gonna suck bad since i work 8-8.
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[01 Jan 2006|01:48am]

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[31 Dec 2005|03:40pm]
no time to update, too many good Christmas gifts.

i have the first season of the OC to watch and Roseanne.

Happy New Year
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[24 Dec 2005|11:05pm]
tonight we had christmas eve dinner and it was fun, having divorced parents maks the holidays stressful though.
I had so much fun hugging and cuddling with Phil last night.
iam going to try to put it out of my head though.
lots of people have told me, if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is..
so iam going to start listening to others a bit more.

also at dinner my molar cracked in half completely and I swallowed it.
super gross.
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[21 Dec 2005|09:33pm]
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